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Friday, November 11, 2011

sorry im a sane person

listen up psychos,
im at my wit's end trying to withstand all of your crazy.  
no, i'm not referring to those troubled souls with actual mental disorders or those facing psychiatric adversity of varied sorts, im speaking directly to those of you who can't seem to handle everyday bullsh*t without an endless 'woe-is-me' monologue.

let me clarify:  bitching is a healthy human exercise; one that i both practice and admire.
not only do i understand, but i expect my frenemies and loved ones to occassionaly seek an outlet for shit talking - and you best believe i'll be court-side, accessorized with a hefty glass of cab - enthusiastically inserting swear words and gasps of horror (where appropriate).

however, please don't misunderstand my awesome friendness as an open invitation to complain about the basic demands of upper-middle class life.  if you're looking to moan/groan about having to roll out of bed before noon or yapping about how you had to cut trans fat out of your diet so you can squeeze into your size dos jeggings.. you're barking up the wrong tree.


it seems that 75% of my friends are under the impression that their life is somehow harder than everyone else's.  i realize that every now and again, even privileged persons are going to feel the need to wine about their champagne wishes and caviar dreams, but the weekly FML facebook status-updates simply can't go on.  guess what grasshoppers!  i recognize that im 'lucky' enough to have invested in my future to the tune of 20 million pennies + interest, thanks to the deep pockets and sound financial judgment of the American federal government.  But that seeing as that wise life decision is the gift that keeps on giving, i'll venture that my life of luxury is an economic position that few would trade places for.

don't get me wrong, i too dream of one day hitting the jackpot and winning the lottery without ever purchasing a ticket or stumbling across burried treasure on my front door step.. but, erring on the non-absurd side.. i think its safe to say i'll be working 40hr weeks for the next 35+ years, jumping up & down to zip-up my 'skinny' jeans, and putting myself through the most modern form of masochism: a blend of bikini waxes, blind dates, and vaguebooking just like the rest of the U S of A.
such is life. 
[quickly, i'd like to point out that i DO recognize the irony of a post that detests brainless rants, when in fact, that is the sole purpose of this blog, cheers sherlock].

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